Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
