Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize