his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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