Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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