Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
