If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize