Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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