I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize