At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
