apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
