I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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