She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
