Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the condom got lost in my hair
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
