she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
