Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
