mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
