right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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