so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
