If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
