like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
