As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
