Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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