i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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