i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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