You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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