you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
