people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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