Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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