How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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