would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
