the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
