theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
