let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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