are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
