Betty ford says i'm here all night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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