there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
