You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
