it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
