Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
