the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
