just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
