I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
