We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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