I think I died a long time ago.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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