The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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