I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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