A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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