i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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