I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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