even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
