A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize