Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
