Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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