perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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