i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
