Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
