Are we in a gay sports bar?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
