drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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