My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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