16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
