Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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