I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
