take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
