I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
