The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
