just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
