my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize